We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
