Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
