So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
