He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
