i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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