Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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