He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
