i already hear my dad disowning me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
