I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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