My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
