your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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