I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
