my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
