He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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