Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
