Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
