Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will be naked everywhere
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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