I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
