I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
