Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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