small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
