I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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