Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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