I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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