I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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