I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You took a bar mat shot.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
