Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
