If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
