I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize