I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
