and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
