He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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