i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to calm my uterus...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
