You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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