it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
