I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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