I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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