It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Rumble strips road head = magical
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
