in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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