It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
