i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
