Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
