If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
