Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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