if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
