I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
