you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
