I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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