it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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