Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
