you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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