You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
