he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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