after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
