I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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