do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
