I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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