Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
