happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
