I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
