Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
