At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
