best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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