put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
