he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
