The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini