She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me