His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.