She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.