think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO