She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it