his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
