last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
