Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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