I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
