we made out on top of his cat.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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