Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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