My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
