i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
