Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
