don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
