We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
