Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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