I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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