While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my liver is dry heaving
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
