does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
